Wednesday, February 01, 2006

not chickening out. honest

Thank you all for your encouragement about getting out and going to the Stitch and Bitch.

"But Lori," you all collectively ask, "doesn't it start at 7pm? And you are posting at 6:40pm? What's up?"

I'll tell you. But first, I didn't chicken out. Really. I didn't. I just couldn't go.

Reason #1: I had a migraine all day, and at the moment the lights in my apartment are banging angrily against my eyes. After a long (LONG) somewhat stressful day made longer and more stressful by the pounding in my head, I just couldn't do it.

Reason #2: I thought I would be okay today, but as it turns out, I'm not as okay as I thought I would be. Three years ago today we lost my dad to ALS. (Heather: this is what I was talking about in the email). Even though it has been three years, the memories from that day are too hard.

I've avoided the news all day today, just in case they mentioned the shuttle disaster, which was happening as we sat in Dad's room in the hospital. I had taken a break and gone next door into the TV room and sat watching the coverage, not really taking it in at all.

I wrote about Dad here, on his birthday. I can't bring myself to read it today, but I will re-read it this week, and remember and be happy for the blessing I had in my Dad.

For now though I plan to knit. Maybe watch a little hockey if my eyes stop screaming for a while. And again, Heather, I'm sorry I bailed. (Morgan too. I wanted to meet you also!)


  1. Lori, it was a good time, but I completely understand not being in the right frame of mind. I am going to head back next week if you want to come. I got there a little early and people were there already. I left around 8:30ish. it was super mellow.

    My thoughts are with you.

  2. When my husband pisses me off now, he would say to me, "Don't be upset ... do some knitting and you'll feel better." Indeed knitting can soothe our minds when they are troubled. So, do some knitting and think of some happy memories and you'll feel better.
    Take care.

  3. I'm sorry to hear about your father. My daddy died on May 23rd, now almost 8 years ago, and each year when that date rolls around I just sorta go nuts. Sometimes, its ok to check out of the world for a little bit, but be careful not to feed your head too much with the painful memories. My father died a long slow painful death from cancer, and while the date of his passing, along with all of the images connected to it, will forever be in my memory, I'm working really hard to put even more importance on other days, like his birthday, or my parents' wedding anniversary, any other day which he would have celebrated. What I try to remember is that his life is not only about his death... that his death is just one piece of what he experienced and because of that, I shouldn't make it the only thing that connects me to him.

    I hope that helps, and I can tell you that it DOES get less painful with time (oh, and a decade of therapy too). I'm here to talk if you ever want to...

  4. We'll go another time - next week, if you like, or whenever. I completely understand.



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